*for all the goodness please go to directly here

Tonight has been rough.

I was walking out of class with a classmate tonight and I said something about getting caught up at work last night so I missed study hall and then this happened

– what  do you do?

I’m a consultant at such and such firm and I just transferred here from Baltimore/DC

– oh, you are a real grownup

I nodded in the darkness as we walked to our cars – yes I am but I don’t have kids and I still play video games and at this point in your life you get to decide what that means

– That’s really cool

and then we talked about class

then I came home and…

I called my parents to check in and their different situations and complicative health and all I can think is that I need to be closer. I want to be there for the surgery, I want to go to the doctor visits, I want to be able to make a fucking casserole and walk the dog when things go down. I want to be present.

I just want us to act like we are one of those normal families that all live in the same town, because if that was the case I would have been there, I would have been a part of it.

It makes all of my self-centered shallow issues seem so futile and I realize that I’m missing the big picture. I moved 1500 miles closer and it’s still so.damn.far.

There are so many things I need to do to get…where exactly?

Maybe this is really growing up?


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